- The Chemistry Guy
- The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com
Rains of Summer
Aguas de Abril - Waters of April, if i'm not mistaken.
Things are starting to ease now, I'm now starting to lose motivation. Especially work and other stuffs. I feel like I'm dragging myself to work. I'm slowly taking the pace of just totally lying down in eternity... haha, o.a . Of course not, I can't resign nor stop doing the things I love. I have bills to pay, I have my mom to take care of, I have friends to tease to, lots of indifferent places to go to, Tons of people to shoot to, Say sorry to the people I hurt, listen to other's apology, tech gadgets to splurge on, money to burn, good food to eat and someone to make happy and realize that life can be so fulfilling.
I think my body is now getting weaker.. I'm having a fever now, and it's damn consistent. Low grade, for quantification.
My skin problem is recurring for the nth time. I also have xxxxxxxxd . secret...
Maybe my cd4 is getting lower than the first time I took the test, 282.
I wanna take ARV's but every time that prescription is within my reach, these comes up ..
tsk. The day ended as I walk along Ayala Av., and the so called Rain of Summer touched my face. I wanna get wet and feel like a child again, dancing in the rain... but i might get sick.
"sayang"
I can't wait for payday....
Yin and Yang
Monday, the most hated day of the week. Rush hour, the hustle and bustle, overloaded paper works.. Monday sickness as what you call it.
On the contrary, this Monday was so good.. less stress, more happiness and great laughs.
Less work the day, mean less stress.. good!
Chit chat, pig and drink out on a typical Monday! awesome...
Laughs here, laughs over there.. office day ended by an early out! wohoo!
Great jump off for the week!
less negativities, insecurities, insensible talks, insensitive manners..
all i can say is... "No Wonder..."
I was exchanging sms with a good friend of mine, and we were making chismis about the latest with the positive guys. this made me realize that hey, even in this world those hilarious guys still exist. Talking about those pretentious ones, who'll fool you with their sensible acts then eventually they're not, those superficial guys just like you see in g4m or planet romeo.. So contrary to what i've heard that, "bumabait ang mga tao pag naging HIV positive"
well, in some cases... yes. there are a lot of nice guys out there, but not all.
Still a lot of cocky ones. Attitude problem ones. again, No Wonder....
if there's the yin, there's gonna be the yang.... even with the HIV wolrd. so another realization came up.
Sensible Sunday
Sunday, and it's a good one for me!
met a new friend, loved the long sensible talks.
Less dense day for Mall of Asia I should say... Maybe tired from the hustles of yesterday's Metro Festival.
Went out for a photoshoot. I like this.. I'm back on my lens.
Stroll, shoot and dine.. wow, 2.5 cups of rice! my appetite is beating me..
(my shot ---> )
leave all stress and insensitivities, time to move forward.
Thanks to this sensible guy i've met.
Sunday's like Sundae.. a comfort zone.
Takes One to Tango
Starstrukk - 3OH!3 ft Katy Perry
"It doesn't really matter Who you say you are, Singin' out the window of your car, Find another girl across the Bar, 'Cause L-O-V-E is not what this was"
Alone isn't always lonely ... for sometime.
Yesterday was all a crap, pressured and crammed work just to squeeze myself in an occasion and friends making tampo since I'll leave early for a movie date turned disaster and insensitive cracks which triggered my Lacrimal glands and making my eyes puffed. wow
I decided to pay Ortigas a visit since San Miguel by the Bay is throttled with Aliwan Festival,
I might be another needle in a haystack.
To ease my unlawful tension, I played Tekken and challenged some guys, with all fairness I got 5 consecutive wins.
Hungry and sweaty coz of the play, I went to a nearby burger chain, 3rd to my favorite burger patty goodness after Brother's Burger and Burger King. Off to Cyberzone to buy my bass pounding thingy., went to a pharmacy and bought some stuffs and medicines.
Last week for Date Night and I wanna try it... hmm, not really funny. Get Smart was way better.
I declined to join my friend who wanted to go and enjoy the night in Malate. To begin with, I'm not really a party guy nor a bar grasshopper, I can enjoy and ride with the guys, I just don't know the run-abouts of the game.
Unknown events are in stored for me for Sunday and I hope this won't be like last week's.
Sigh, it's been a while.. I'm dating countless guys the past couple of years.
None of them turned out right, either they went to see a hotter guy, they're just playing off,
they're too desperate to have one and rushing things out, senseless ones and the insensitive ones
or maybe it's me who's being too choosy.
I just know what I want, if you insist "no" then fine.. it's a no. if you want it, then lets talk about it. Life's easy...
hope J and I will meet tomorrow..
My Pillow is too wet
I just can't stop my eyes from tearing right now...
I'm crying a river. I don't know why, maybe all the burdens, frustrations and disappointment since I was a child erupted all of a sudden.
From a famous Science law, For every action, there will be an equal or opposite reaction.
Like a gun, a finger must trigger for it to fire.
The week was pretty aloof with me, Weekend is not really getting me off.
Even my iPod can't ease what i am feeling.. this is getting worse.
I'm a kind of guy who doesn't really say "i'm sorry" and "please" and maybe that's what makes
my strong personality. So when somebody heard it from me, rest assured I mean it.. but when it comes to a point that these words are mistreated, Simply... no more "sorries" and "pleases".
been crying for 2hours... and it's heavy, im just keeping it silent so no one can hear my rumble.
even Lady GaGa's Bad Romance can't stop me....
From this depression am having, i thought of confessing my status with one of my ex's whom i saw online in ym, i told him everything.. everything went like a beach of tears. after a bit of talk,
"I'll commit myself in helping you..."
a pound of hard relief rushed through my virus filled veins, which I've been longing for..
tomorrow, a good crepe and movie is up.
good luck with puffy eyes.
Sorry, I'm just too Vulnerable.
Franticism
Thursday...
It seemed that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed...
1. I had a good dream, but I wasn't able to remember every detail of it!
2. INH tabs smells awful, well for me... though it's smaller than a normal tab.
-i'm on INH prophylaxis by the way, Mantoux test came out positive. PPD test if you're thinking.
3. My printer driver was not downloaded and installed on my desktop, what i have is the Windows Vista version and not Windows XP.
4. I left the house with a one-bar battery on my phone.
5. a simple snack drained me P100, yes, P100. An impractical kind of snack when i have something inside my bag.
6. crappy office systems... they help lessen my cd4 cells, EVERYDAY!
7. a friend who's not talking to you all of a sudden. fine!
8. the most deadly sin inside the office, i was seized using mobile.
9. traffic jam... on a midnight!!!! Arrival on home was late by 25 minutes.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! turn-over will be done tomorrow, i need to look good..
I have a gathering to attend to, a movie date as well.
Friendly Tuesday
A pretty nice Tuesday for me...
I got a new friend, Lucky13, and where gonna meet somewhere in Alabang. A mall to be exact and had lunch. His stuffed pizza, mine's ultimate spicy one... well it's not that spicy for me though.
He's nice... :)
It was also a chance for me to meet friend, she's item 4d. the gayish girl of my "Functional Groups" post. I was excited to see her as the lounge would become more noisy and gayfullness -hahah
gayfullness - state of being more than gay. :D
wasn't able to visit and meet E since they restrict visitors..
Had a check-up, and almost a cliff-hanging event of them giving me arv's!
having a tonsillitis pays off... they need to eradicate this thingy before giving the candies...
The humid afternoon ended and Lucky13, gayish girl and i went to a nearby mall for a small dinner and exchange her usb. Omygawd! i really hate Wellcom's customer service... grrraad! nakaka stress!!!
after dinner, we parted ways.. of course with smiles on our faces.. with new found friends :)
till next time..
Slow Sunday
Yesterday, i told myself that Sunday will be my movie and stress-buster day.
It didn't happen.
I was home the whole day long and got nothing to do but to stare and work my eyes
in front of my laptop.
My boring day started after lunch, It was a nice start since the smell of cooked crabs
rose me from bed and seducing me to tear up their shells.
I went online to check the sites i normally go to. There's Facebook, a gay social network site,
a photo sharing website, my blog and other stuffs...
I planned myself to hit the road by 4pm so i can catch the golden hour of sunset.
but it's too early so i decided to chat around mIRC, the old school chat hub.
met some guys who wanna go and make out, i was tempted but i opted not to go.. well, i have
my plan for the day so i wouldn't go to begin with.
I wasn't able to monitor my time and it's already 530pm, darn! tinamad na tuloy ako! so
I continued on my chore and waited for dinner to be served, i checked my blog every now and then, taking chance that someone might respond to any that i have posted.. luckily there was one! it's Lucky13, an email of him blasted on my outlook revealing his number. Alas!
Someone sensible to talk to!
Dinner was served, Lucky13 and I were still exchanging sms..
I promised myself that today should be a photo-ops day, i went outside the village and took some shots.
it's 1132pm on my laptop... again, Lucky13 and i are still exchanging sms.
a new found buddy...
It isn't a bad day after all...
Overloaded Planner
Cu
rrent iPod song:
Naturally - Selena Gomez
A busy and uncertain week it was...Paper works here, Errands over there and blood tests everywhere!
So many things to do, my planner was overloaded for the week.
From office stuffs to personal issues, i was a bit stressed out!- this can't be! i have my little cd4's to take care with!
Came Friday, everything came as what was planned.
now it's a weekend, there's a time for me to indulge to happiness!
Worked my biceps out... It's not bad to be hot especially nowadays. :)
Went to Megamall for a haircut and have my hair colored, i found my new hair cutting hub here a couple of months ago. The thing with this salon... staffs are hot! not the stylist but their assistants, i dont know if they require nicely toned biceps, unique height and that husky look for employement. damn, they shouldn't be here! well, still it's a nice eye popping item for me though. :D
Strolled around for any potential buys, my handy planner was with me and thought of buying something for my tech babies, a good dog tag accessory and a new shirt.
My feet was aching tired, movie trip is postponed and will be moved for tomorrow.
Maybe it's time to revive my photography experiences and for this, a sunset photo shoot would suffice. . Moving forward after this post, i want to use my own photos in my humble blog.
Hey, did i mention that i'm doing this alone? :)
Araw ng ODDtingan
April 09, 2010 - Araw ng Kagitingan.
A regular non-working holiday, but for me... it's twice the pay! :D
Knowing it's a holiday, i still decided to visit RITM.
Upon my arrival, OPD door was lokced..
"sigh, pati pala hospital my holiday din..."
I went to ask Kuya Guard and he told me, Ms. Ana just went to somewhere..
I said to myself, "finally, a chance of meeting Ms. Ana"
I saw her and excitedly entered the door and had chikas with the ever famous..
she's really nice! so nice..
Coming 11am, I decided to leave the institution and tried my luck in Makati Med for a vertigo check up. Just like when Ayala Ave. on a non-working holiday, Makati Med was like a Resident Evil hospital.. they're on holiday as well..
ok fine, it's too early for my work shift, i have roughly 3hours to waste.
My viruses were hungry so i went to a nearby McDonalds for small snack, i ordered my favorite Fish burger and salt infused fries and dined outside for a fresh air, non-working holiday environment of Makati.
Few minutes later, just like what i expected, i saw someone i knew...
and he's a + , he's quite a popular guy coz he's mentioned in some blogs, i dont know if didnt notice my presence or if he's suplado na. but i think he saw me. this made another conclusion for me as even in the PLHIV society, there's still this uncertainty where superficiality reigns. well, it's just a personal observation, too many fake personalities i should say. but then again, i dont know...
more than 2 hours remaining, " where would i go?"
i took a cab and drove the way to Glorietta, time for another Timezone play and window shop.
As i was strolling and went up to the movies area, there's a booth kind of something and i saw one of my old time crushes.. oh, he's still cute, nice skin, and hair... i remembered the moment when we were sleeping side by side... kilig for another time! :D ... that was just sleeping, ok? no other naughty thoughts!
Time to leave the place and head back to office..
F@cK#iT! there's my bitch EX! together with his bitch bff... argh!
Good thing i was on my best that day, hahah.
Got nothing to do in the office, work load was at low and it's time to make fun with other officemates. Shared my experiences for the day and it was really fun, im enjoying this life!
Really odd day for me this Araw ng ODDtingan.
Exchanged Numbers
The usual time I go to hit the sheets - 2am/3am
Every 12am i go inside my room with my fully charged laptop. The right time to exhaust the
Li+ ion battery.
I checked a less visited gay personal site and i tumbled upon a single message from elsewhere,
Malaysia to be exact.
As i checked his profile and saw his pictures... oh my god, He's really good-looking!
Toned body of sufficient height, clean cut hair and chinito! aw.. i really like chinitos.
I know he's online so i hurriedly replied a message and gave my ym id.
minutes later, someone added me.. and i know it's him.
Grin here and smile there. ok, start of a great conversation.
a couple of hours later... a pop out of low battery notice appeared.
I guess i have to say goodbye for now, but out of nowhere... he asked for my number.
a nice kick off before i go to sleep!
wooot kilig!
Time Management Master
If boredom could kill, i might be dead...
death from boredom not because of the OI's.
anyway.
today was a very slow day, it's Tuesday... but feels like a Sunday.
I'm filling up my calendar of activities and things to do for the week and it seemed
that i'm pretty free for this week.
What's in store for this week are,
• Enrollment, reservation and payment.
• Follow up with RITM on Friday. Gonna be exciting, again.
• Meet with friends for a sports event.
• Sunday is free day, might gonna watch a movie. Alone or not.
Voila, that's it... not too much too do, really!
I'm a master of Time Management. I can almost do anything spontaneously.
Even having lunch, surfing, doing paper works and photo editing all at the same time. wow!
Going back to boredom, lemme kill this... i'm now maintaining my laptop for it's optimum performance,
watching youtube, checking William Levy and surfing local gay personal sites.. but hey, there's no one to talk to since everyone's busy as of the moment, still 545pm MNL and there's the rush hour.
I have to wait for a couple of hours for things to go in place.
The Functional Groups
Alkanes, Alkenes, Alkynes, Carboxylic Acids, Hydroxyl groups, Amines, Azides and all those
stuffs play a role in each compound for it to be functional.
Yesterday's experience in RITM was indeed fun,
Well, for an introvert and examiner kind guy like me, observing and watching how people
do their everyday thing is never been exciting.
My watching galore started out when i was in the OPD annex room. My eyes goes from
left to right and up to down searching for something that might entertain me while waiting for the long
queue.
1. the first guy who caught my attention was this small guy. not really a small guy, bulges of
biceps and chest flaunt along with his sleeveless shirt.
geesh, one of my weaknesses ... great body. :P. As from what i observed, he's new. he just
filled-out (fill-out ok? since you're filling out the blanks in the paper and not "fill-up", a common filipinoism) the orange card and the history thingy. he's doing the requests for base lining. he
doesnt look good, but hey with that body.. oh my.
2. when i was about to submit my specimen in the clinical laboratory and i was walking along the hallway,
i saw this guy with a striking shirt of striped black and white color. He's cute, we looked at each
others eyes spontaneously, again and again and again.. i think there's something between us. i just don't know if i looked familiar or what. but then again, he's cute.
3. as im nearing my queue, the door opened and there's this husband and wife, i said to myself..
"dito ba talaga to or baka naman sa dog bite section to na naligaw?"
when they registered onto the paper, "oh my god, reality bites.. even hubby and wife" and take note, wife is preggy and hubby is good looking.
This made a realization that everybody can be one, another way of moving forward right?
4. my agenda for the day was done, i have lots of time left and its too early for me to
go to makati for my work. i decided to spend my time in the lounge thinking that the tv is on
so i can watch Showtime. I entered the room and saw a bunch of people whose i think having lunch, being a bit suplado i hurriedly searched for a sofa so i can rest. the bunch of people called me and offered their strawberries from baguio --- thank god, ice breaker. and the rest is history...
4a. a girl approached me and asked for my name, so we talked about me being new in the
society. A researcher for discrimination, this girl is living with "it" for 13yrs.. to my amazement i started asking out questions and i enjoyed the small conversation.
4b. A petite nun hurriedly and excitedly sat beside me and introduced herself.
"this is getting better, people here are truly nice"
grabbing her notebook, she took down notes of what i am telling her, how nice she is. Convesration
is getting longer and i like it.
4c. another acquaintance was made when i sat beside a guy and did a small talk. He's from
another province, one of the best places in the Philippines, best beaches and best underground rivers and i've been there.
4d. the fun conversation gets even more fun when this gayish girl entered the room. Recently confined for a certain sickness, this gayish girl is still full of energy. Introduced by the petite nun
to everybody, the room is now filled with good vibes. Sharing her stories both here and abroad, being proud of her 64 CD4 making everything stress-free.. i like this girl.
4e. a choreographer was no exemption, he intorduced himself to everbody. i dont know if he's
straight or not. a bit shy, this choreo is new, just had his confirmatory test and up for baselining.
4f. the wife and hubby, the one i mentioned above. joined the fun conversation.
4g. there's another chemistry guy from a prestigious school. --he's the real chemist to be, im
not.
4h. A computer junkie, and we're from the same school... a school inclined with math, chemistry, physics and other higher math and engineering subjects.
4i. Cute partners, 2 of them of course. They're new in the institute, a transferee i should say.
they're cute and again from another prestigious school. how sweet they were.
no need to elaborate, may be you'll stumble upon them one of these days.. just like the functional groups. these guys play an important role in the society as their diversity and differences show. meeting these guys was truly an experience, one good thing about this conversion, you'll get to know tons of people reacting from one another to create a grateful system of friendship.
Excited State
When Electrons' energy level is above its Ground State, we can conclude that it is EXCITED.
--- how Quantum Chemistry affects everyday life.
Tuesday, April 6 2010 ... A totally different day that marked my calendar.
This is the day of my first CD4 grade ... and not to my expectations, other surprises.
On my previous blog, I can't sleep... I tried to close my eyes, engulf a big grasp of air and relaxed.
But it didn't work, My eyes were closed and yet my conscious mind flew my head of the thing thats
going to happen for tomorrow... in RITM.
Set my alarm clock for 730am and off i go...
Woke up around 6am but it's too early, hey i should be throwing off myself by 730am.
I took my short breakfast, a nice cold shower and prepared my stuffs.
I left the house by 820am anticipating myself to be in Alabang by 9am or so.
Even my ipod can't blur all the things thats instilling in my mind on what's gonna happen
since i'm alone. I don't know if im excited to see the results or excited coz it's another challenge for me to do something on my own... and there you go, Butterflies on my stomach!
Im now walking onto the small and short isle of the building and saw a lot, i mean A LOT of children screaming for mama and crying for the needle shot for their dog bite.. GAWD!
I entered the OPD annex door and saw the nurse who attended to me during my first visit,
a bit of sigh for me coz finally i know someone in the room! As my observant eyes roam the
small room, i saw another friend of mine... another sigh!
ok then, it's time for my agenda... "For Follow-up and CD4 result pls.. R10-xxx"
Results were --- CD4 282
"ok, 282... at least not 2 or 6"
im happy with it, 3 digits is not bad.
If you're gonna ask me, i'd rather take arv's instead.
Side Effects or OI's? ---- Side Effects, of course!
How is it gonna be taking Truvada, Kaletra, Isentress, Atripla, Bevirimat etc taste like?
hahaha, In my dreams... I know, I know... 1st line first.
Stars are Blind
I can't sleep...
2 reasons why,
1. My first cd4 results will be available tomorrow -- though i have a rough estimate of the number as my friend told me, i dont know how in the world he got the number.. he said it's around 275+, im not sure so let's assume +-15. --- Also, some base line testing will be done..
the main issue im concerned of is I'LL GO TO RITM ALONE. No!!!
I'm still too shy and too aloof with
the folks from the institution, add to that the number of other "reactive" guys who will have their own follow-ups, and for sure they're all friends... except for me. A newbie.
gonna prepare my ipod and my phone which i can get help of when in times of trouble... you know, AWKWARDNESS.
speaking of ipod which relates to my 2nd reason why i cant sleep.......
2. my itunes is playing Paris Hilton's Stars are Blind, oh my...
it's 1154pm MNL time and i do need to sleep a bit early for me to catch up for tomorrows' agenda. How can i sleep if i'm lying on bed with my laptop on and yeah, playing Paris Hilton.
in fairness, this blogging thing is cool. i like it... an outlet. kudos Blogger!
another exciting day to look forward to!
Another First Time
So my life goes on.... I'm now "reactive", sorry guys I just don't want to use the term Positive nor Pos nor Poz nor Pusit nor PLHIV. I'm still on the stage of acceptance, for this instance it will help me do so.
So here we goes, a new life of certainty and challenges...
Just like what everybody is saying, Every day is now a challenge of survival.
Instead of being depressed and crying all night long, Though I cried twice. Why not think of ways
to improve my life and start living a productive as I can.
First times that made an awkward moment...
1. when i was in Makati Medical Center for my initial screening;
my feeling was totally overwhelmed and mixed with emotions, sobrang kabado and was already planning what to do next as if i knew for myself na positive na ko.
There was this young nurse of my age who was just friendly, she told me that it's her first time to extract 5 vials of blood and she's excited since i was her first HIV screening patient. Thanks to this friendly nurse, I felt the care and exclusivity inside the room... too bad i forgot to ask for her name.
Wondering why 5vials? a. CBC, b. Hepa C c. Hepa B d. VRDL e. HIV anitbody test.
Days after the test, everything came out "non-reactive" and bingo! i got a lifetime achievement award. I'll never forget that nurse...
2. What to do after conversion? the first game plan is to prevent depression, how to do it?
meet reactive guys! I created an account in one of the most popular gay sites and to my luck i found guys who's worth my trust and meeting to.
I met Guy X and explained everything in a short span of 1.5hrs. He's nice and looks good too... no one would ever think.
Guy Y and I planned to meet up and have a talk but unknown to my senses, he's with reactive barkadas as well, blush came into my face and i don't know what to do,
hello, this is so awkward.. guys of unknown faces and names stare at you.
Point of no return, just go with the flow... these guys knows best. and there you go, another set of new friends.
3. I decided to go to RITM for my first base line check up, or whatever clinical term they use..
again, strange faces of unknown names scatter upon my eyes. it feels awkward but then again, you need to go with the flow... good thing i was with Guy Y. The room was studded with guys and they're so noisy as if it's like a party... Cool environment i should say. Until a guy entered the room and caught my attention........
OMG, an officemate!
chills ran down through my body and right away i stumbled my eyes away from him. he sat infront of me and i was speechless, this can't be happening.. I need to break the ice.... and there you go, another acquaintance turned friend.
on a lighter note, this conversion led me to more friends and acquaintances, which is good kasi
i dont have much network to lay down..
these were some of the events im looking forward to meet again... hopefully, not that awkward.
For the First Time
This is my first official blog...
I tried to do blogging on some personal social networking sites like Friendster and Multiply...
Unfortunately, my typing and critical thinking skills wouldn't allow me to. I mean, i'm so tamad to make blogs simply because ... I don't have something to write to.
My life seemed to be meaningless, not full of surprises and stories worth sharing with.
I really hate Formal Theme Writing and Essay based exams, I'd rather go "algebraic" and compute for missing values of X and Y
Cutting it short, my life is pretty normal until the moment I was seroconverted... you know what I mean, Lentiviruses go swarm and multiply excitedly inside my healthy cells, allowing their complex protein stuffs to bind with my cells' CD4 and CCR5 then using their reverse transcriptase converting RNA's to DNA's and the life cycle goes.
Another reason why I should hate monkeys, or even break out into Pentagon and ask who biologically engineered the virus.
Anyways, enough of BioChem...
Now that my "one-shot" lifetime became more fragile... maybe this is the time to contemplate and think about if this life is worth sharing for.
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