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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

My Weakness

Another mood swing goes by, I don't know what could have caused this.
Depression is slowly running through my head, im fighting over it.. but it's power is so overwhelming.

I know, i'm full of dramas.. ikaw ba naman, having no emotional outlet/s.
i dont open up to my friends, i even dont have a best bud or a best friend or what ever you call it, i dont open up to my family, im not that close to my mom and other relatives, no daddy figure, i keep my problems to myself, i dont have any siblings to play with if im depressed or even cheer me up (only child). all i have are my random friends, some close and some don't. there are times that conflicts on our time arise when you need them, so more likely i have to handle everything on my own, i have no partner to share things with. once i had one but he's totally the super silent type one. so it's useless.



i may look pathetic, but i try not to and will show that im not. maybe this is the reason behind my strong personality. strong for me means, able to do it on my own, kills depression on my own, cheers myself on my own, having myself as my best bud. independent i should say.. this made me suplado, mataray, snob and everything. just like other's first impression on me.

i was unconsciously trained my by mom to be independent, im not the usual yaya-driven kid when i was young, i was always home alone then, do thing on my own. it's between me and myself then, it lasted all through my childhood days. until i carried those traits now.. im independent in such way that i tend to hide everything from the others, especially my problems and hardships, and that's one of my weaknesses. people like my friends and even my mom have no idea on what's happening.

kaya nga if i cry, sunod sunod na sila since all burdens from the past that i kept long came out.. and same thing if im angry. i know this is unhealthy.

i cry out loud, i go angry like a machine gun, i laugh like there's no tomorrow.

maybe having a blog, hobby and a pet is a good thing.
thanks to my ipod too, it keeps me distracted.

im still trying to loosen up.
yes, im almost 24 and still got this kind of attitude? if only i can turn back time.


Ta!

2 comments:

Jesse { Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at 10:34:00 AM GMT+8 }
Lam mo naiintindihan kita TheChemistryGuy pareho tayo ng weakness. I also grew up
with all of my emotions just kept inside, i never learned to share with friends, and even my family. Di ako ganun ka-close sa
family i grew up with my LOla, she's the greatest. Though i love my parents as well. Syempre di ba!
Ako nga Im already 27, but still my ganun trait pa din ako. I think its something not be changed. Coz i think ur right it made us strong talaga, i agree. Maybe some people
find it weird, strange, pero siguro me ganun talaga na tao. And tayo un!
Chillax ka lang..
everything's gonna be alright.
TheChemistryGuy { Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 1:04:00 AM GMT+8 }
nice to hear that im not alone in this world.. yeah, i understand your disposition too! :)