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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email:

Just for a moment

Last Saturday, I went to San Juan to shop for something that serves as a self reward and recognition program. I decided to drop by to another nearby mall to have a delightful dinner.. I'm just alone. Afterwards, somebody approached me and to my surprise, a long time friend of mine. Actually, were FB's before. You know what FB is. 

We were having this no-strings-attached-intimate sexual relationship, roughly 5 years ago, that last for several months. This was a very rare instance on my part. Perhaps, we were both into each other. He likes me very much, and so do I. I wont go into detail of how he looks like but cutting short, he's one heck of an ideal guy for me. He started out telling me if we can step up the ladder and have a relationship. This never came into my mind since I know for the fact that we were just FB's and if ever we go one notch higher, it will surely wont work well... Since we started out as FB's. That's how I value the onset of a relationship, I always tend to evaluate what we are during the start and connote that to the extent of the succeeding relationship, if there are any. 

Our line of communication was cut, I can't remember why. But I know he relocated to another city and we changed our numbers, which was our only means of talking. Four years have passed, we unexpectedly bumped into each other again but in a not so good situation, I was with my friends and he was with his. We had the chance to exchange numbers again and made chit chat and catch up over the phone. 

And that Saturday was really Endorphin inducing, that instant and unexpected meet up turned date we had was really surreal. I never felt it for the longest time. How I wish this can go further and further.

He still looks good, He still likes me. He still have the urge to continue what was left. I wanted it, I think this time I am ready... but, I'm now sero-converted. Another instance of regret and shame. 

Heart-breaking. Depressing.