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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

Indirect hit

Here's a short story where it made me decide not to disclose my sero status to my mom.

When Dra. G and I had that small catch up, she asked me if I have siblings. I said no, am just the only child. She asked, How about your parents? Do you still live with them? - Yes, I do and with my mom. How about your dad? - No, he's dead since I was like 12 yo. If that's the case, If I were you I'll tell mom that I am HIV positive. Dalawa na lang kayo. - Hmm, I don't think so. I know how she's gonna react.

Me, mom and this soon to be doctor cousin was having lunch. At the same time, we were watching news. There was this segment about HIV found in donated bloods and it's on the loose. The segment was as short as 3 spoonfuls of food when all of a sudden my mom was like crappy. 

She began with statements like - "Poor those HIV victims, they were too promiscuous and they deserve it"
Of course it was really awkward, so I just kept on munching my lunch when minutes later she gave a blast of indirect remarks - which I know she's doing it on purpose.

"You can get HIV by meeting boys and girls through Facebook" - an indirect remark since she's having hints that I am meeting/dating through Facebook. No hard evidence though.

"You can get HIV through prostitutes (she mentioned boys and girls so I think am still safe of being outed as gay) especially in malls like xxxxx" - another indirect hit, she knew that I was in xxxxx just last week.

When a third strike was about to erupt, I hurriedly stood up as if I was gonna take the shower. I don't wanna hear anything like those statements. I know those were meant for me. If that's the case, then let this secret be a secret. 

Decision is final. The next thing the household will know is when I am confined in a hospital with a serious and life threatening illness.

Maybe there's still a chance with my incoming doctor cousin. But we are not that close. Gonna test the waters first.

Self-reliance is now the key for survival. No parental nor peer shoulder to ask.

1 comments:

boomer { Tuesday, August 16, 2011 at 10:45:00 PM GMT+8 }
Im with you on your decision of not disclosing it to your mom... Just like you, i'm an only child and it's only me and my dad now bec my mom passed away several years ago...and my dad is not accepting of my being gay and telling it to him would just add insult to his injury.. besides, im ok with just one person who knows
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