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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

Grave Procrastination

January. I think it's too early to tell but it seems that the year 2011 is not on the right track. The very major reason for this is I am somewhat demotivated or should I say, nawawalan na ng gana. Wala na kong gana pumasok sa work, in fact lagi akong late. Naka 5 or 6 times na ata akong late for this month. When I take my seat sa office, it's like ayoko ng buksan yung pc at mag log in. Every lunch break, which happens to be every 7pm, gustong gusto ko ng umuwi kasi nakikita ko yung fx sa tapat ng building namin na direcho bahay na. Isabay mo pa ang pag iinarte ng baklang closeta kong manager, pati ba naman restdays ko ginagalaw. I understand that when it comes to business needs, employees should adjust. Pero syempre, sana isipin din nila yung sustainability ng employee para sipagin at pumasok, I'm working in a stupid call center, yes.. Call center, known to have repetitive and monotonous tasks. Though I am not taking in calls, iba naman yung line of work ko. But still, it's the same. I am under this universe na kung san eh hindi stable ang work, unstableness would then be rewarded with high pay. I admit (modesty aside), ako ang isa sa may pinaka mataas na sweldo sa floor. Maybe equal to a bank manager's pay na nagwowork na for 5 years. Pero and draw back... Walang kulay ang buhay sa work. I can't see the lime light of my situation.

Speaking of call center, I've seen a post regarding HIV. Based sa post nya, I think he's negative.. And of course for obvious reasons na rin. I won't describe deeply how the post went pero the disturbing part was when someone placed a comment, I just forget the exact words, pero it conveys that those who works in the call center industry ay dapat katakutan kasi sila yung nagkakalat ng disease. Of course, I easily got offended.. Sana pala hindi ko na lang binasa yung blog kung ganun din pala mababasa ko.. Gusto ko sanang gamitan ng snipping tool at i-screen shot yung comment pero as a sign of respect sa blog owner, kinimkim ko na lang. Those guys needs proper educations and information dissimenation, yung mga super close minded and thinks that the world has only 2 sides.

Going back, pati sa ibang bagay wala na din akong gana.. Like to stay fit, wala na kong gana magexercise kaya eto tumataba na ko. Even going to business class, wala na din akong gana.. I'm skipping my exams kasi hindi na ko pumapasok. Feeling ko na din, wala ng mangyayari sa future ko. Maybe I'm setting high standards to my dreams and goals kaya ganito naiisip ko. Goals like, to have a car and a bachelor's pad, to become a brand manager or anything similar. Ang nasa isip ko lang, since I'm the only child and hindi naman ako close sa mga relatives ko... Ano na mangyari pag mag isa na lang ako? As early as now I need to create a plan or contingency para sumalo sakin especially now that I have a serious medical condition. This makes my goals more 'unreachable'.

Siguro there's a need to change plan, again. Another sacrifice to make so the road will then again be straight and run my life smoothly or am I just analyzing too much? Ayoko naman lalong maging 'go with the flow' type of person..

Maybe, the first thing to do is to buy a pet. Mejo out of way pero having a pet may somehow release tension and stress. Hindi naman ako makapag out of town. I shouldn't have cancelled my credit card para naman may pang book din ako ng ticket. Kung out of town man, yung malapit lang.. Can be accessed by land and means of bus as transportation.

Para na kong timang, my ipod is keep on running 2 songs. Songs to enhance ng self esteem, Firework tska More to Life. Which doesn't seem to work. Hindi naman kasi ako nagsasabi ng nararamdaman kahit kanino, I don't express myself to my friends, nor bestfriends since wala naman na sila and even my family. Kaya dito ko na lang binuhos, which others find it too 'emo-ish'. Kaya nga blog eh, weB LOG. Online logs of users.

I hope by tomorrow, magkaron naman ako kahit konting dose of motivation at hindi ako ma late or tamarin pumasok.

Ta!

8 comments:

Eternal Wanderer... { Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 1:14:00 AM GMT+8 }
urgh. i can relate with the punctuality thing :(

i swear, when i return from my vl, i won't be late na for the rest of the month teehee
Alter { Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 1:31:00 AM GMT+8 }
we have the rest of our lives ahead of us.

nakakarelate ako na parang the days just keep on repeating all over themselves kaya ang ginagawa ko, I just live the day, without thinking of what will happen tommorow.

not having anyone to talk to really is a pain in the arse tapos sasabayan pa nang: kaya ka nga nagba-blog eh dahil wala ka masabihan tapos, pati ba naman dito, me sisita sa'yo.

hindi ko masabing, "ayos lang 'yan." pero hayaan mong sabihin na, "hindi ka nag-iisa."

:)
The Chemistry Guy { Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 1:08:00 PM GMT+8 }
eternal, eto nga mag prepare nanaman ako for work and my feet doesnt seem to move...
The Chemistry Guy { Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 1:09:00 PM GMT+8 }
alter, thanks.. at least someone felt what i said :)
cytokinestorm { Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 5:18:00 AM GMT+8 }
Listen to the songs from the Musical RENT...sabi nga NO day but TODAY...that might inspire you...by the way gusto mo ba manuod nun? Feb 20 sa RCBC plaza bldg...
Nishiboy { Wednesday, February 2, 2011 at 11:39:00 AM GMT+8 }
@ternie: char.

you have to find reasons to stay. other than the money. pag wala na, hanap ka na ng iba.

ako nag-isip isip din lately na lumipat kasi bored na. pero nagdemand ako sa boss ko na bigyan ako ng ibang gagawin. haha. ayun, ok naman. yun yung nahanap kong reason para magstay. baka di applicable sayo, pero baka makahanap ka ng ibang reason.
eric { Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 12:16:00 PM GMT+8 }
to chemistry guy

all your symptoms point to depression, try anti depressant , pwde ka naman bumili without prescription try mo zoloft 100 mg at bedtime, should have no problem with the meds ur taking pero ask mo na rin doc mo sa ritm
The Chemistry Guy { Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 10:41:00 PM GMT+8 }
eric, hmm.. im not that depressed pa naman to an extent that i need those.. pero i might try. Zoloft. cge sana hindi mahal hehe