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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

Anxiety

The past weeks or should I say months, I'm really stressed and emotionally tired. I admit, I live in anxiety.. Always worried, nervous and always think of what will happen next. This I need to change. Which I believe is a tough thing to do. Stressors are everywhere. From work to peers, and even what my future holds. It's not really uplifting with this kind of living. I need to, somehow, reverse what is happening. According to my Human Behavior professor, try to revert all negative vibes into motivation. There's always a time where we will feel down, do the wrong things and be not satisfied with what we do.. These in turn are oppurtunities for improvement. Without these, there's no improvement. It's the essense of personality.

I just don't know where to start. Living in anxiety is not really healthy. I know that..
Maybe, starting from now and onwards.. Choose my friends, choose who to talk to, choose who to share feelings and choose someone who can open the door for everything.

I was inspired by Katy Perry's new song - Firework. It's a really nice song, adding to it the video that compliments with the lyrics. Though I only feel this when I listen to her song, what if I don't.

The past weeks, I meet several guys from a weekend activity. Some where nice and some were not. I have this crush on one guy but I'm so hesistant to tell him or even keep him at his toes. Firstly, I'm an introvert so I don't expect to let it go. 2nd, I'm already sero-converted. 99% would be a chance of rejection. Now it's a regret. If only I could turn back time, I will change everything, If only I was a minute late on the sex meeting with the guy who gave me this. Everything will not be like this.
I'm just being realistic. No fairy tale stories.

I'm stressed. For the longest time I haven't been engaged into sexual interactions. I just had one, on a weekday - lunch time. We initially met in PlanetRomeo, gave his face photos and exchanged numbers. After being persistent, he finally got a yes from me to meet him. I was shocked, he's really good looking, so manly, gym buff and tall enough. Too bad, he's bottom.. It suddenly came into my mind if I change my preference, so to avoid any transfusion and viral transmittal, of course doing it safely too. Bottoms are at the probabability of getting infected. Anyway, he nice and sweet. Health conscious and he seems to be a swimmer. Again, no expectations. No fairy tales. The last encounter was January, the time where I'm still free from being diagnosed. 10months after, I felt the situation of meeting up a stranger again.

These are my random thoughts. No one to talk to, no one to share with. Here you go.

Ta!

2 comments:

canonista { Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 7:18:00 AM GMT+8 }
Oiy! YOu can always talk to me anytime. Sorry for the postponed trip. You know very well I have financial struggles.

Anyway... Everything is in your mind. Take note. Yes, choose your friends and people you hang out too.
Juan de la Cruz { Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 8:08:00 PM GMT+8 }
take it easy, it's bad for us to get overly stressed and depressed.

and yes, be more careful from now about who you come out to. :)