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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

The One That Got Away


Inspired by Katy Perry's newly released song - The One That Got Away.


Yeah, I love Katy Perry so deal with. Lyrics are so strong, about a lost chance on love. And I'm telling this because I can relate to it.
Let's call him guy M, M for a name widely used by boys.
We've met online and had a very long conversation over the virtual means. This was like 3 years ago, so I was like 22 years old and he was 25 or 26. I was an engineering student and he's a financial analyst, a graduate of accountancy.
The moment we met was an instant click, he's just an average looking guy but full of logical and intellectual mind. We clicked together in a sense of there was no dull moment and had continuous conversation. We have a lot of similarities back then, like tech things, games and other stuff.
It was surreal. He's smart, I can feel his responsible and all the good traits a guy can have.


The dating went on and to our enjoyment we didn't notice that we were going for like 4 months. He proposed under the fireworks and wanted something on the next level, more than what we have. I declined. I want to enjoy our current relationship. And perhaps I haven't moved on from my 1st ex. 


Despite this we still continued our exclusive dating and until the 8 month, I decided to end everything.
I know and felt how hard was this for him, as he felt he was cheated and used. I felt sorry and that instance I stood by my decision. Maybe I was fed up of everything we do. Naumay at nagsawa.
He was bitter.
Now, being more mature than before concluded why I made the decision - I was superficial. I was so superficial that I can't even appreciate what he did.
Now, I feel a big regret why I stood by my decision to let go and end everything.
The last thing I heard of him is he's now working for a Telco company, still a financial analyst. This used to be 2 buildings away from my office. In fact, I always see him every 5pm. He looks better now and I can see that he's happy.
With those happiness I see from him is a total opposite of what I feel. Regret. I have no one to blame but myself.
Every time I see him, It brings back the good memories of us being together. He used to accompany me to my house every time we go out, those cadbury chocolates he gave me, those playstation games we used to play. He was the who opened my thoughts on travelling and no matter how I hate it being given with flowers on Valentine's Day, he still gave me dozens of roses.
After years of no communication, we had the chance to talk. Of course, I don't expect that it will happen again but instead I disclosed my sero status with him. After that, connection was cut. The only chance I get to see him is when he goes home by 5pm. Looking at the far the side of the building, that's the best way I can take a look of him. 
Now I am paying the price, the regret and guilt of what I did.


All these money can't buy me a time machine
Can't replace you with a million rings
I should have told you what you meant to me
Cause now I pay the price


A guy I won't forget. A guy I will no longer meet.
If I should have said yes, perhaps this wouldn't happen.

3 comments:

Caloy { Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 6:57:00 PM GMT+8 }
Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. =)
LanchiE { Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 9:01:00 PM GMT+8 }
We are lead to believe that everything has a purpose. Or maybe its just sour graping.
onestrangeboy { Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 12:35:00 PM GMT+8 }
Cheer up. It's not the end of that story. After all, you're both still alive, aren't you? Not to get your hopes up, but who knows, maybe someday, by some incident (or accident) you guys might reconnect again.