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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

Lightning strikes more than once

Had some random events happened during the past weekend...

Now im already stressed (again) with the thought of me having a serious opportunistic infection..
A respiratory system related one, it could be either TB, pneumonia (which i have a gut feeling) or histoplasmosis (which i doubt). Well i have to wait until next week for the result of my xray and to submit again another set of sputum specimen. Friday, I was working peacefully when i got an sms message from R. This is how he texted,

Di ko alam na ganito wala ng kasiguraduahn ang buhay ko.. malungkot ang mga araw ko kahit kasama ko kayo (his friends). Alam ko kayoy aking napapasaya pero pag tayoy naghiwahiwalay na. Oras koy malungkot na.

ok, maybe he's depressed or sad because of something, but come to think of it, a group message with this kind? i dont think so... i replied (from what i remembered)

dont spread negativity, always think positive....

then all of a sudden he said...

Wag na natin itago ang totoo na paranag tumigil na ang mundo mo.. Tanggapin ang tadhana na tayoy abnormal na.

What the?! what is he trying to point out? he's already getting into my nerves while we argue with his pathetic statements until i got this message from him..

wag ka magmasakara na animoy naka ngiti ka, dahil hindi mo maitatatwa na isa kang pugita

Fuck this bitch! if i were beside this guy, he'll get an black eye...
my god, he's so desperate.. of having a relationship or something, basta punyeta talaga!
i can't blame him if he felt this way, but please... don't spread the negativities. others can help but you don't have to express yourself as such..

I owe this guy for giving me company when i enrolled in RITM.. for now, i hate him for doing that. though he said "im sorry..."



Saturday, Those what he said ran into my mind. Im abnormal, isolated from the normal ones..
i've been here and i already moved on but when he said this, it came back again and made me depressed. I was in the office and talked to no one, i hit on my ipod and played all the songs to divert all my feelings. After work, i decided to take sweets coz i know it will help lessen my burden.. i dont have an idea of where to go, i walked from RCBC to Ayala MRT and finally decided to go to San Miguel by the Bay and treat myself for a Starbucks. Still depressed i ordered a venti iced mocha and a chilled apple fritter, the barista is cute.. he's friendly and i tried to start a mini conversation by asking how can he make my iced mocha sweeter. ok, i think he's smart coz of the way he speaks... Luckily there was a vacant seat, im enjoying my sweets when suddenly... my ipod turned off and battery's drained! oh no... this can't be!
I don't save songs on my phone so there's no use... tsk.

Instead, i went on my usual past time... Watching people. Quite fulfilled, but the depression has stricken back. Thanks to R! (sarcastically)

Ta!

5 comments:

engel { Monday, June 7, 2010 at 4:08:00 AM GMT+8 }
maybe wala pa siya sa acceptance part. that's how it always is, right?
TheChemistryGuy { Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 1:25:00 AM GMT+8 }
well, he said to me na naka move forward na sya.. he's gaining desperate moves na kasi... sorry but that's how i see things.. he's urging to have a relationship lahat na ata ng guys na nameet nya eh gusto nya gawing bf, he's too climatic...
Jesse { Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 7:35:00 AM GMT+8 }
No Z, it's not goodbye.Makulit kasi ako and ayoko makulitan ka sa akin. I think its my fault to let myself be emotionally attached and for now siguro ipa-pacify ko lang yun.
I'll still be here. :(
TheChemistryGuy { Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 12:56:00 AM GMT+8 }
ok Jesse, if that's your will then i'll respect it.
Jesse { Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 8:52:00 AM GMT+8 }
Tnx Z. Sobrang complicated na kasi.
I've done things that i know i shouldn't simply bcoz i'm in a rel.,
Sobrang sinner tuloy ang pakiramdam ko.