The Chemistry of Sero-conversion... being HIV positive.

Saturday. I met a good friend of mine. He's D. He knows that I'm HIV positive. It was really intentional for me to tell him, It was just a case of saving something irrational why I told confessed my sero-status. He used to be a date of mine last year. It didn't work since I was already diagnosed and decided not to push with it. We're really good friends. We even date out together fortnightly. It seemed that he proved to me that what ever sero-status I have, We can be good friends. I was drinking my favorite milk-tea frap when he grabbed it and took a sip on it.
As he's sipping my drink, "hmmm, this taste good!". It was a delightful moment for me.
After dining out and seeing a movie we decided to part ways. He always drops me off to the best place I can get another cab or puv.

It's already 130am. Cabs are damn choosy so I waited for puv's. There's one but it's still loading and waiting for passengers. I stood as if was waiting and hoping for another one to pass by, saving my time. Then all of a sudden, there's a guy beside me. Wearing long sleeves, a bit loose fit pants, clean cut and sneakers. Ok, no big deal. He's just an average guy for me. A rate of 6/10 perhaps. To my peripheral vision, I can see that's he's staring at me. Out of consciousness, I tried to stare back. I now feel that he's into me. He moved closer and closer, "Is there a straight way going south?" Aha! first move.. Just like what I thought. "Yes, the same puv that I will ride on to". Minutes after, he was bugging his mobile phone. I think he wants to get my number. I moved a bit further since it was an awkward feeling. He's even touching my shoes with his. Hmmm, I think he wants something.

I decided to get on the puv and wait. When it was about to depart, he went inside and still staring at me. Hmmm...
Just like what I said, I'm choosy. I'm not a desperate retard. Maybe you're into me, but I'm not. Sorry. Though I think he's nice enough. The scene ended with nothing. Just teasers and stares. not much interesting happened afterwards. I may sound rude. I'm not. It's just a collaborative and integrated experiences from the past. I learned too much. :)

Hope to see him again, and tease him again, Sometime..
He's the 3rd person ever in my gayhood life to approach me. I admit, I'm really snobbish and aloof. But for sure, when you know me. First impressions won't really last. :)

Ta!

Another mood swing goes by, I don't know what could have caused this.
Depression is slowly running through my head, im fighting over it.. but it's power is so overwhelming.

I know, i'm full of dramas.. ikaw ba naman, having no emotional outlet/s.
i dont open up to my friends, i even dont have a best bud or a best friend or what ever you call it, i dont open up to my family, im not that close to my mom and other relatives, no daddy figure, i keep my problems to myself, i dont have any siblings to play with if im depressed or even cheer me up (only child). all i have are my random friends, some close and some don't. there are times that conflicts on our time arise when you need them, so more likely i have to handle everything on my own, i have no partner to share things with. once i had one but he's totally the super silent type one. so it's useless.



i may look pathetic, but i try not to and will show that im not. maybe this is the reason behind my strong personality. strong for me means, able to do it on my own, kills depression on my own, cheers myself on my own, having myself as my best bud. independent i should say.. this made me suplado, mataray, snob and everything. just like other's first impression on me.

i was unconsciously trained my by mom to be independent, im not the usual yaya-driven kid when i was young, i was always home alone then, do thing on my own. it's between me and myself then, it lasted all through my childhood days. until i carried those traits now.. im independent in such way that i tend to hide everything from the others, especially my problems and hardships, and that's one of my weaknesses. people like my friends and even my mom have no idea on what's happening.

kaya nga if i cry, sunod sunod na sila since all burdens from the past that i kept long came out.. and same thing if im angry. i know this is unhealthy.

i cry out loud, i go angry like a machine gun, i laugh like there's no tomorrow.

maybe having a blog, hobby and a pet is a good thing.
thanks to my ipod too, it keeps me distracted.

im still trying to loosen up.
yes, im almost 24 and still got this kind of attitude? if only i can turn back time.


Ta!