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The Chemistry of everyday life, an HIV blogger. Twitter: @tcghiv | Email: tetrahydroziline@gmail.com

Emerge

by The Chemistry Guy

After a long hiatus of hide and seek from the outside social world, last weekend - Saturday, I decided to emerge from the long sleep of non-socializing and self isolation. I really don't know the reason why I entered this phase of my life, hiding from guys and just being myself all along. This made my depression worse and even worst. Yes, you heard it right, I no longer need be seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist perhaps, but I can assess for myself that I am depressed. From the symptoms and clear thinking I have in mind, this really show how depressed I am. Not in the sense that I got this sustaining virus, but the how it affects me and my social and emotional being. I'll go deeper with the detail of it, but for now. Lemme share my experience with this poz guys meet ups.

It all started with a good friend of mine who invited me over on this meet up. Actually, this ain't the first group gathering I've done. So I should say, I'm used with it. This friend of mine invited me over on this meet up, it was originally a set of poz guys over twitter, I only use personal twitter so I don't have have any idea that such exists. I took this chance, maybe a great time to meet other guys especially poz guys, and mingle with unknown friends. They set it on a weekend and I won't do anything that except mashing my playstation 3 controller so I agreed to join. The day came and it was a nostalgic feeling of meeting strangers - more so if you're meeting a new group. Butterflies in my stomach started to fly when I was waiting. The time came when we met up, I'm not really a perky person to mingle with the group instantly, so the natural act of silence sprouted. Good thing, I have this friend with me and another acquaintance poz guy whom I met over blog. This was a sense of relief and I am confident that I wouldn't be left behind. 

Introduction was set. Most of them are of my age and some were a bit older. So there's actually a good sense of dynamics within the group - in terms of maturity and experience. We were like 6 or 7, can't really remember coz they were like come and go from the scene. We had dinner over a pizzeria ristorante and got the chance to somehow know each other. though not that thorough. Had some fun stuff over pizza and sour pasta while boy watching at the same time.

My normal attitude towards a new set of friends is really stiff. You know, I really like being grumpy and choleric. Perhaps this is a defense mechanism I use when ever I meet new friends for them not see the real score in me. 9 out 10 new friends do agree that I am really stiff and cranky, sometimes I use this a trademark of myself. I enjoy being one. I'm a true blooded Gemini, I just show my other "dual" personality. Seriously. This is one of the extremes of how I can be and other.. another extreme kindness. LOLS

We decided to watch a film, a not so good one. Which bored me a little, and afterwards we waved goodbyes. I never regret the decision I made to join the group, it was fun indeed, Though no serious talks was published but the sense of having some good friends (So far, I know they are good) around you for a couple of hours on times like this is very stress relieving. Well, I just hope to bump them once again and meet more new friends. So far so good. I enjoyed it and for sure, I will do it again.

Thanks to my friend - @poz_angel , This Heart is Still Beating , and others whom I cant't really remember the names - Efavirenz?, I just remember how they look like - I'm a visual learner.

One thing is for sure, I won't make a twitter poz account - I love my personal twitter. Sorry :p

Posted by The Chemistry Guy at 9:45 PM

2 comments:

Anonymous { Tuesday, April 3, 2012 at 3:02:00 PM GMT+8 }
we're in the same tassel here, bro. with efav, since they switched me to that because of neva allergy, im succumbing into the state of deep depression myself. i used to be one of those people to be the first one if theres a gathering with family or friends. now, ive been pushing them aside. i dont text back or dont feel like talking to them. For example, this weekend, were gonna a family get together to sing Pasyon. I'm pretty sure I wont be home or try joining them to do that no more, might as well go somewhere else, probably watch a movie or eat out alone. my family and friends have been noticing my facial wasting or losing facial weight for about almost six months now, since i started taking the arvs. Only my mother accompanied me to the to get my arv besides her nobody knows. i told my mother not to tell anyone for the sake of the family as well, she understands me. although ive been coping well with meds, mentally i feel like i'm crashing. i dont want to bog down my mother anymore, because its already hard for her to know what situation im at. its better to keep it to myself and lie when she asks questions. how am i? hows the meds. i always say: its good, ma. i thought about joining the groups, but they may find me boring since im not boisterous. haayst.
The Chemistry Guy { Tuesday, April 3, 2012 at 7:22:00 PM GMT+8 }
yes, you are correct. i think efavirenz plays a big role in contributing depression. sometimes having someone to talk to helps carry the heavy baggage. you just have to be eager to choose the group.

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