The Chemistry of Sero-conversion... being HIV positive.

Feeling is not really good recently. Too many anxieties to deal with. Can't concentrate properly, stressed and pressured. I just wanna dive in an ice-cold swimming pool. 

I just had a photo shoot opportunity held by an annual bikini summit. I think I did well. But photos were not included. Disappointed and frustrated. Though I still owe the agency a gratitude for giving me the chance. Maybe I need to practice more editorial shots. What will those people whom I've worked with say? That's what I am anxious about.

My pet companion is severely ill. She's not feeling well and it seems that she's on the brink of giving up. I had her just a few months back and like what I always do, I invest emotions onto something if I know it's worth investing for. As of now, it may sound silly, but I'm crying over my feline friend. Going home and opening the door, seeing her meowing and waiting for me. Waking me up as she licks my fingers. It's really hard and depressing for such possible loss. 

Birthday is about less than a month. Nothing to celebrate about, just the thing that today I'm still alive. Pretty much that's it. 

Do those test really tell that I'm depressed? Am trying to cope with this but it seems I am having a hard time. 

I think I can no longer do this alone.