The Chemistry of Sero-conversion... being HIV positive.

As usuall, they prescribed the first line cocktails - Lamivudine + Zidovudine + Nevirapine

Stories about Nevirapine, I got scared. Everyday, I always check my skin for adverse reactions from the drug. Good thing it didn't happen to me.. the dreaded skin rash (es) caused by allergic reaction to Nevirapine. 

My body has not adjusted to NVP so I got chills and fever instead. Other two is working fine. Another notorious drug was already waiting for me.. Efavirenz, usually the second in line after NVP.

EFV is one of the most used and effective ARV's out there. So maybe I'm lucky to have this.

I tried asking some who used it.. pretty overwhelming to hear its side effects:

1. Dizziness - the top of the list as more than 50% of users experience this. No one really knows why this is happening but it really do to an extent that you can't stand up, walk straight and you all you wanna do is sleep. Like a hangover.. just multiply it by 5x.

EFV is known to pass through the blood-brain barrier coz of its small molecular size, so it can inhibit those viruses inside the spine and brain which other ARV's can't do. Maybe this is the reason why you get dizzy. It penetrates inside the Central Nervous System and do the job

How to cope: This once a day pill is suggested to be taken just before bedtime and at an empty stomach (plus lots of water). It doesn't work for me though.

I have noticed that when drinking Choco Malt drink like Ovaltine and Milo will increase the effect.
Eating pancit canton, those instant ones, will decrease the effect.
Sleeping just around 8 hours, sleep more and surely I get even sleepy.. That's my problem now.
Sleep less.. You can get still get that kick inside you head but can remedied by coffee. Very similar to hangover.

2. Vivid dreams - the most exciting part. Since it affects your CNS, you get vivid dreams. Dreams vary from happy, sad to nightmares. Even sex dreams.

How to cope: watch funny and  happy films/tv shows or other stuff. I usually watch comedy talk shows, commercials, pranks, America's Funniest Home videos over Youtube. It really helps eliminate nightmares. If you want that sex dream then try to watch your favorite hot male star. lol

3. Lack of concentration/short term memory loss - probably another CNS effect. I tend to forget my "things to do", how to translate Tagalog to English words and v.v, name of that crush, place where I put my phone and similar stuff.

How to cope: I have a handy dandy notebook. I keep track of my "things to do" list. As soon as I remember these things, I write them down. Also, I watch documentaries just to keep my bulb lighting and remember those things I have studied before. Reading over the internet also helps.

4. False Positive Marijuana results - maybe EFV's chemical structure is somewhat related or closely similar with Marijuana or its component. If not, perhaps when EFV is broken down inside the body. This I have not encountered yet since I haven't taken any drug test. I'll cross the bridge when I get there.

How to cope: Talk to Ate Ana lol

These coping mechanisms are just mine, maybe it won't work for you, maybe it will. you can try though.

I need to cope with my sleeping habit, I tend to get sleepy even I have more than 10 hours of sleep. I should create an action plan regarding this. I don't know how, maybe I need more physical exercise.

Salvation:

My Facebook page was flooded by updates from my (ex) good friend so I tried viewing his page. It came into my mind, it was already a year since that incident and thought of getting it back. Perhaps a reconciliation. But my introversion leads me to nothing. I won't initiate, coz I don't really do that. Maybe ok na yung lurking around his Facebook page to know and catch things up, other than that.. I think it won't work na rin. 

Still learning self-reliance. Not into the verge of getting too desperate of having "another" good friend. It will take time to find one. 

Introversion:

I found his Facebook page, one of my eye candies from the game. I think I have a future in research and development. But I don't wanna add. Teehee.

I really find it awkward when family is having dinner or lunch and you're all watching the news and they show how HIV cases rise rapidly in the country. 

In this case, I always find ways just to get out of the table and scram away either to the kitchen or to the bedroom. 

Still leaning towards of not telling anyone within the family nor some of my friends. I know how they react every time they see and hear of such news. 

Maybe enough na yung mga nakakaalam ngayon. I won't bother disclosing my sero-status to anyone if this will lead to something not really good. Which I always expect. 

Just like what happened to my closest and good friends. Now they're gone. So no more shoulder to lean on. 

Need to practice self inclination and self help nowadays. 

Yeah really. 

Let's start the story with this...

I met this guy who's from TW (ISO 3166) - Try figuring out where is this, through a social networking media. Since no harm will be done if I were to talk to him.. We chatted. He's of the mid 20's age and based on his public data, he's an engineer. Well, same as I do. On a different perspective though. 

That time of chatting went onto days, weeks and even months. Mind you, we already met even before I was diagnosed. So roughly more than a year ago. 

We had a very common latitude.. Travel and photography. 

His favorite place to travel to... PH (ISO 3166). Looking through his albums, he travels a lot and been to almost every corner of the country, more than I am. Last year, he paid a visit and ask me to if we can meet. I said yes. We were about to meet at this famous hi-jacked hotel but to a surprise it didn't push though. He fell asleep and that kept me waiting. Bad shot for the first meeting. From then on, I become aloof and never replied to his messages. 

Several months had passed, he came back for another month long vacation. This time, he asked me again to meet him and try to cope with what was lost. We met and clicked. 

I admit, he's my type. Chinito, average height, smart, good built and sobrang puti. His English is not that good, but nonetheless we were able to communicate and express ourselves. 

We met for the second time. This was really obvious, I like him and he likes me. If you do one thing for the second time, it means you're onto it. 

We talked and chatted about his recent local trips and he let me see his photos. He's good in photography. 

He persistently invites me to go to TW and he will show me around. It popped my mind, why not. It will be my first ever abroad trip. (if ever)

He's very vocal in a childish way. "I wanna tell you something but I don't know how to ask it"

Skipping the cheesy parts, he wants it to the higher level. I know it's too fast. But rejecting what he said because he doesn't want long distance relationship. Instead, he said - "I like you and want this to go beyond whatever what we have but, distance will hinder." (of course, that wasn't verbatim, nagmarunong lang ako na itranslate yung sinabi nya). "We can still be good friends" He said.

To my mind, ok lang kung issue ang distance, but what if he learns about my sero-status? For sure, I might be rejected. So let that "distance issue" do the talking. 

Sinabi ko sa sarili ko - kung kelan naman may HIV ako saka naman dumating yung pagkakataon na to. (disregarding this distance issue)

Not the right situation nor the right time. 

Left the place with as if nothing was heard or talked about. I know up to this day, we are still good friends.